


(You can have) What's Left of Me

by IfCujoWereSappho



Category: Gakuen Heaven
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-22
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-27 15:50:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5054692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IfCujoWereSappho/pseuds/IfCujoWereSappho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takuto's thoughts, waking up next to Koji.<br/>(Rated for minor self-harm and sexual references)</p><p>(Inspired by Nick Lachey's "What's Left of Me", and maybe a bit of Buffy the vampire slayer)</p>
            </blockquote>





	(You can have) What's Left of Me

**Author's Note:**

> Non/Self-Beta'd: all mistakes and bad writing are mine  
> Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Heaven, or any of its characters, SPRAY/Higuri Yuu do.
> 
> (You can have) What’s Left of Me : (a character/romance study)

 

I’m still not sure what you see in me. I know I’m not warm and lively like everyone else.  
I know I’m a shadow, some sad little wraith of a boy. I would wonder if it’s only your need to take care of people that lead to this.  
Except that you’re so genuine. 

When I start to count all my flaws it bewilders me that you could reciprocate my feelings.  
Because I’m young, I know, but so broken. I know that too. I feel like all I’ve done is watch my life pass me by and let it happen without much participation or reaction. I just let that man claim my work, I just let my mother lose herself over him and use me to enable him. I just go back to them even until I have nothing left. It makes me worry that I have nothing to give you, with all I take. 

How is it you keep reassuring me? Why do I let myself need you so much? It’s like I starve without you and it’s not just the meals you keep reminding me to eat. Where do you find the patience and why does it never fail to fill me when I’m so empty?  
When you kiss the scars over my arms like you’re grateful they stay old, I want to promise you again and again that those were the last.  
Can I make you understand that even after what I’ve done to myself, you are saving me?  
Every time your smile is in your eyes and being able to believe that I can cause that...  
(I don’t understand why but I love it.)  
It’s those moments, maybe you’ve just looked over my shoulder at whatever I’m sketching (it’s so embarrassing but it seems to make you happy),  
or when you’re saying good morning the first time we see each other that day, or good night the last time...  
God, it’s those moments, when you look at me and I’m perfect.

You are so beautiful, even here (asleep and partially under me.) How are you real?  
With every touch, every moment I spend here admiring the curve of your jaw, the tones in your hair, and that hair against my fingers,  
I’m reassuring myself that I’m not just dreaming.  
How did I get so lucky? Learn to love you? Is this even alright? I’m not sure if I know how to love properly considering the examples I had.  
Maybe I should move away and stop distracting you from someone, something, anything more deserving.  
But your skin feels so good against mine, I can’t give you up, can I? I don’t even need this sheet, I can stay warm in your glow.  
Maybe if I never leave this moment, you won’t realize how much wholeness I’m missing. Maybe you’ll only know that all of me loves you.  
Do you know that?  
Do you know that watching your eyes open, kissing the sleepy, lovely, you, is the best part of any morning. And having the first thing I get to hear after waking be your “good morning, my love,” brings me to life.

I was fading, crumbling to shards, but with you I am a mosaic. Learning to be whole.  
I’m beginning to understand that I can give you pieces of me at a time and let our collection grow as we grow together.  
You can have what’s left of me. (You complete it.)


End file.
